I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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