He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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