Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
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We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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