guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize