Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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