I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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