I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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