As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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