Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize