My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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