waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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