I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
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i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
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Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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