Yo dont text me then not text me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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