if i can run in heels then i can drive
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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