I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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