i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My bed is full of blood and feathers
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize