I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize