i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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