At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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