Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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