i dont even know how to be here
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
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fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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