maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
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we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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