I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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