your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
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