I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
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Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
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It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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