He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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