so that wasnt chicken after all
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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