i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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