I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize