Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
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Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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