bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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