He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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