I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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