you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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