a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize