I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
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as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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