i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my shit smells like andre
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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