Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize