I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize