man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
