I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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