Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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