so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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