my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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