Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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