You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sprained my soul last night
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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