Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize