I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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