since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
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I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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