I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
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Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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